Grace Notes

The God who wants to

Nancy Kennedy

Years ago, I had a friend who exhausted me — emotionally, spiritually and sometimes physically.

She pushed me out of my comfort zone, talked my ear off at work and once convinced me to drive 200 miles with her to do laundry for hurricane relief workers.

Yet I kept taking her calls, mostly because she was convinced of something I wasn’t: that God “wants to.”

God wants to bless His people. God wants to answer their prayers.

To her dying day in 2018, Joan Chipkar believed God “wants to,” and it was her mission in life to get me to believe it, too.

I know that because she told me so — often.

Whenever I wrote a column about my doubts or hesitant faith, she would call and scold me. Then she’d tell me she loved me, that I was an idiot, and to “keep up the good work.”

I only saw her waver once.

About 15 years ago, a few days before Christmas, her 5-year-old grandson fell into a pile of leaves and was bitten three times on the hand by a pygmy rattlesnake. Joan immediately asked everyone she knew to pray — even me.

The boy was airlifted to a children’s hospital, where the venom continued spreading through his body and into his lungs. The toxicologist told the boy’s mother it was the worst rattlesnake bite she had ever seen and a doctor recommended amputating the child’s hand.

But on Christmas morning, after numerous doses, the antivenom finally worked, and the amputation was canceled.

Afterward, Joan said, “I’ve had a million miracles happen in my life, but this was a real one, a huge miracle. I expected it, but I also didn’t expect it.”

Even in her faith, she left room for God to say no — to do something else. For a moment, she wasn’t certain of God’s “want to.” Still, she trusted that God’s nature is to want good, regardless of the outcome.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about that, wishing Joan were still alive so I could talk to her about it.

My default question has always been: Why would God want to?

But that’s an unfair — and inaccurate — understanding of God’s nature.

Jesus taught that the Father “knows what you need before you ask Him,” and that if even earthly parents wouldn’t give a rock to a child asking for bread, “how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him?”

God’s character — His fatherness — is marked by unfailing kindness, tender mercy, grace and compassion.

Slowly, I’m beginning to rethink my stubborn, skewed assumptions about God. I’ve started asking for small things: to sleep through the night, for fresh ideas to write about, for more stamina during my step-bench exercises.

More importantly, I’m asking without assuming the answer will be no, while still leaving room for God to do something else.

A father once came to Jesus asking for his sick son to be healed. “I believe,” he said. “Help my unbelief.” Jesus didn’t rebuke him for imperfect faith. He had compassion.

That’s how I’m learning to see God — welcoming my tentative steps, encouraging me to ask for more.

The Bible tells us to come boldly to God’s throne of grace.

That’s what Joan Chipkar did — again and again.

I’ve spent much of my life holding back — not asking, not trusting God’s “want to.”

Now, I’m choosing to ask anyway. Contact Nancy Kennedy at 352-564-2927 (leave a message) or email at nkennedy@chronicleonline.com .

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