Breanna’s Breakroom: Parenting from the Inside

I did a brief career stint as a correctional officer.

During my time as a correctional officer the Florida Department of Corrections received a new secretary, Mark S. Inch.

One thing he wanted us to remember was the forgotten victims, the family of the incarcerated and how their lives are also affected by crime, which is honestly, something many people probably do not think about.

I know I did not.

I knew people who were incarcerated but did not think about how it could affect their kids.

As a correctional officer, I have checked in many children on numerous occasions for visitation.

Instead of spending time practicing a sport or going to the movies, these kids frequented our prison's visitation area.

The children already knew the check-in routine and would instruct their younger siblings and cousins to spread their arms like an airplane so I could conduct a pat search.

I thought to myself, “This is not normal nor should it be normal.”

Breanna Rittman - Staff Columnist

It’s like the kids were on autopilot (no pun intended), but I realized that it was normal for those kids.

In middle school, I remember my classmate Michael Gibson, III saying his dad was in jail.

I do not know what led to that statement, but I remember it like it was yesterday - we were sitting in our 8th grade math class at James A. Shanks Middle School.

In 2017 I met Aayana Kenon, current Teacher of the Year for Gadsden County Schools at a mutual friend’s college graduation party.

While working for the Florida Department of Corrections, I learned her father was also incarcerated and from Havana.

Both of these individuals had dads who are currently serving life sentences.

I could never understand the magnitude of how this affects both Mike and Aayana.

Over the years I observed that both communicate with their dads on a regular basis and have strong bonds with them; both Mike and Aayana are parents themselves and make sure their kids see their grandfathers.

How does a dad achieve such a strong bond while being incarcerated?

I have seen men who do not have contact with their kids because the mother will not bring them to visitation or pick up the phone for the kids to speak to their dad.

I have also witnessed men listen intently as their daughters inform them about their extra-curricular activities such as dance team and prom.

Even for the active incarcerated fathers, being involved comes with limitations.

Children have to wait on their dads to call in order to tell them good news; it can sometimes take a days or even weeks for messages to be received through the JPay system.

Even with Aayana, her dad had to find out she was teacher of the year from reading the newspaper.

So again how does one achieve a bond while being incarcerated?

I remember some of the men I supervised attended a class called Parenting from the Inside.

When tasked with father’s day profiles, I reached out to Aayana and Mike to see if they could ask their dads to describe their experience parenting from the inside.

Thank you Mike, Aayana, Mr. Gibson and Mr. Kenon for opening up and sharing a glimpse of your story.

Vincent Kenon

Vincent Kenon (left), with his daughter Aayana Kenon (right), and granddaughter, Amiyah Acosta (center).

"Picture this, a 23-year-old first time father sees his newborn daughter for the first time as she lies on a hospital weight scale soon after being born.

The father is perplexed, because he can’t hold her or even the mother of his child, in order to share the joyful feelings cruising through his being.

The reason is because he’s seeing his daughter through the lens of a camera via photographs taken by a family member and shown to him through a glass partition while being visited by said family member.

A mixture of joy, excitement, worry and fear engulfs the young man as he rides the wave of euphoria that comes with seeing your newborn for the first time, yet at the same time the real possibility of never being able to hold your beautiful daughter as a free man looms like an impregnable darkness.

That was me almost 27 years ago.

That day, as I looked at my beautiful daughter lying on the scale, alive and well, I vowed that no partition, no wall, no fence or any circumstance would stop me from being the best father I could be to my child.

I did everything I could, from calling as much as I could, to making sure to stay out of trouble so that my then-fiance could bring my daughter to the prison for visitation.

Those short three hour visits allowed me to build my physical bond with my baby girl, while at the same time allowing me to really understand the paramount importance of doing everything I could to give her lessons that only a father could give.

Trust me, this wasn’t easy and definitely came with much stress and worry and sleepless nights of praying that my family was okay, as well as daily hope that I could get home to them soon.

My will to be there for my daughter surpasses any obstacle that can place before me because my will is rooted in infinite love.

I remember it all, the first sight of her, the first physical touch, the birthdays, the look of joy on her face every time she got to see me, and also the growth processes that I watch her go through year by year.

Just to be a part of that makes me never want to give up and has fueled my evolution as a father and now a grandfather.

Maybe some dads find it easy to look at fatherhood as a casual thing but for me this was my calling, something that felt even more important than myself.

I don’t know that I did all the right things as a father, or said all the correct things or even was what a perfect father should be but one thing for sure, I parented from my heart and soul.

Lastly, I can’t act as if my journey was simply all me either.

God bless me with wonderful parents who did everything they could to help me stay connected to my child despite my circumstances, and a child’s mother, who although faced with a situation not of her choosing made sure to include me in my child’s life, especially during the early formative years.

All in all, being a parent from the inside is not ideal and far from desirable, but when you view the phrase “Parenting from the inside,” through the lens of the incarcerated dad, you realize that parenting is truly from the inside deep down into the essence of the man himself and the love that such an essence evokes for his child, as well as the proudness that he feels when he witnesses the beautiful and successful person she has become.

Just to know that you contributed to her getting there means more than one can imagine.

Once again picture this, a young man watches his daughter depart his presence yet once again after a visitation session has ended, and the pain that never lessens makes him fight to hold back his tears, so he resorts to their bonding ritual and mouths the words ELEPHANT JUICE to her, although she’s too far away to hear him.

It’s okay though, because all she has to do is read his lips to get the message.

You see, when someone reads the lips of another who is mouthing "ELEPHANT JUICE," the one who is talking appears to be saying "I LOVE YOU!"

How fitting that something so simple can prove to anybody that distance doesn’t have a chance against an infinite love that comes from the “The Inside."

Pun intended.”

Michael Gibson, Jr.

Michael Gibson, Jr. (left) with his son and grandson.

“Well, my experience as a father being incarcerated has been a very hard one and I never wish no man or woman ever having to go through what I have gone through.

I love my kids with all my heart and soul and I thank God everyday for the blessing He bestowed upon me in my kids.

I made a lot of mistakes when I was young and I truly regret them, because the mistakes I made took me away from my kids and I regret not being there to help raise my kids like any father should have.

I missed out on a lot of things in my kids’ life, but I thank God for my family whom I love so much because they along with my kids’ mother played a big part of me maintaining a good relationship with my kids.

Even though it wasn’t easy, I refused to allow anything to get in the way of me being apart of my kids’ life even if it meant being a long distance Dad.

There wasn’t a holiday nor birthday that I didn’t write and send them cards.

I made it a priority to write and call my kids every week and also my family brought them to see me on the regular.

I took those opportunities to parent my kids and let them know how much I loved them and missed them as they got older.

I constantly communicated with my kids about everything and I also encouraged them to talk with me about anything and everything.

I think communication was the big key for us and the fact that I was completely transparent with my kids, I let them know that I would always be honest with them and that they could always talk to me about anything.

I do know that it’s by the grace of God that I have such a wonderful relationship with my kids because it took a lot of effort on their part to want a relationship with me even after all those years of not physically not being present in their lives.

My son Mike is my hero because I truly admire the young man he has become.

He is the ultimate young man that I should have been growing up and taking care of my responsibilities the way he is doing as a father and husband.”

Breanna Rittman - Staff Columnist Breanna@prioritynews.net

Breanna’s Breakroom: Parenting from the Inside

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Breanna’s Breakroom: Parenting from the Inside

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One of Us: Gadsden-raised Tallahassee baseball coach makes a difference in the world of sports

Gadsden County Times Legals – 6/24

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