The Dirt Road Wonder: On The Way To Heaven, Do We Have To Go Through Atlanta?

So many of the old customs surrounding death have changed since I was young; you would not believe

some of the things I have seen at funerals, both modern and long ago.

In my day, you put on your Sunday best when you went to a funeral, not because you wanted to out-dress anyone, but to show respect for the dead and their family.

The first eye opener that I had was when I saw someone wear shorts to a funeral - not nice long Bermuda shorts, but Daisy Duke shorts that came up to her unmentionable.

Not only did she have on Daisy Duke shorts, but she decided to scratch an itch during one of the hymns while we were standing in the church.

My Grannie would have had the vapors.

I will never say a word about a person that is poor and only has the clothes on their back, but believe me that was not the case.

One time I went to a funeral and the family was divided across the aisle, but they seemed to be divided in other ways too.

I thought a fight was going to break out between the two sides; I was glad to get out of there before the fireworks started. This was not in some backwoods church - but in downtown Tallahassee.

Then there are the mega funerals that have five preachers and 13 songs; after a couple of hours or more you drive to the cemetery, and they all speak again.

There was one funeral that left a lasting impression of the cemetery service.

After a long funeral out of town we drove another 60 miles to the cemetery in the freezing cold and all the preacher said was “Bless you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit Amen” and walked away.

Do you go to Hell if you have visions of strangling a preacher?

I went to a funeral a while ago and after a two-hour funeral service the preacher came over to the mourners and gave the microphone to the family, and they all became Radio Stars - if you are given the

microphone at a funeral, just remember KISS - “Keep It Simple, Stupid” - because no one wants you to add more time to an already long funeral.

I haven’t heard of anyone sitting up with the dead lately.

I guess that custom has finally gone out of style.

Some think it was to keep someone from stealing the body, but unless you were a president or a movie star there was no need for that.

The custom came about because the very early pioneers had few real windows with panes of glass.

The old homes had shutters for windows with no window screens and the only breeze that came into the house was when the shutters were open.

This meant that anything outside could get into the house through the open windows and mutilate the corpse - wild animals were looking for a chance like that.

You can see how sitting up with the dead was needed a hundred years ago.

Hope my column this week has not been too morbid.

I am very much in favor of living each day with all the gusto that God gave you.

I hate to be around old people that are the walking dead and have no interest in the world around them. Don’t stop living until you are stone dead.

‘till next time keep on the sunny side. Gwynn0720@Comcast.net

The Dirt Road Wonder: On The Way To Heaven, Do We Have To Go Through Atlanta?

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